Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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