I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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