the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
