i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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