I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
