Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
