You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
