I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Randomize
