It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
