sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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