he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
