I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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