The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
