just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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