I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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