I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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