sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
not ubering you a puppy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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