I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm getting married
To pizza
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
