My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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