plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
