Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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