her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
