It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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