I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
