My brain says no but my pants say off.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
