You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
