forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
