He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
