Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
