You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
