i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
