Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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