i came on her dog
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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