I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
