and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
