i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
