anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
