I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
