im six kinds of drunk right now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
