Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
