Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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