you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
