woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
