haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
