The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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