i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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