im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
