So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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