what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
