I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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