im about as happy as oj after his trial
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
